If she's amazing, she won't be easy.

If she's easy, she won't be amazing.

If she's worth it, you won't give up.

If you give up, you're not worthy.

Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.

(Bob Marley)

Kita

Hari ini aku menyadari sesuatu, tentang konspirasi garis yang kupelajari di kelas matematika. Hari ini tidak membosankan seperti biasa, belajar garis membuatku berfikir tentang kisah cinta yang sebenarnya digambarkan sesimpel mungkin dalam jenis garis-garis itu.

Ada parallel lines. Seperti dua orang yang memiliki banyak kesamaan dan selalu berjalan berdampingan, tetapi sampai kapanpun tidak akan bersatu. Ada juga intersecting lines, mereka berbeda satu sama lain, memiliki kepribadian yang bertolak belakang, namun mereka akhirnya bertemu di satu titik yang menyatukan mereka, dengan semua perbedaan mereka. Dan yang terakhir, coincident lines, menggambarkan dua orang yang memiliki banyak kesamaan, namun mereka bersatu. But there's no such thing as a coincident. Sangat tidak mungkin dijumpai.  

Jadi, kalau kita? :)

kpop quiz

1. First KPOP Group? actually it's super junior for their songs, but first kpop group I love with its everything is BIGBANG

2. First KPOP Song? bonamana ;__;

3. Favorite Male KPOP Group? BIGBANG

4. Favorite Female KPOP Group? SNSD

5. Favorite Solo Artist? Ailee

6. Favorite KPOP Song? Flower Power atm ;D

7. Favorite KPOP Music Video? BEAUTIFUL HANGOVER AJSJASJAJS & bad boy +++ 

8. Favorite Ballad? Davichi's ballad

9. Catchiest Tune? Flower Power & Catch Me by TVXQ <3

10. Best Male Dancer? taec and joon hehehehe WHY 

11. Best Female Dancer? yuri-ssi!

12. Best Male Vocalist? kim sunggyu..

13. Best Female Vocalist? Ailee and G.NA

14. Best Male Rapper? ilhoon, GD&TOP, mir & thunder omg i can't choose

15. Best Female Rapper? CL 

16. Best Male Leader?  GD

17. Best Female Leader? KIM TAEYEON :”>

18. Current song you’re listening to? the girl who can't break up, the boy who can't leave by Leessang ft Jung In! <3

19. Previous song you’re listening to? be mine :p

20. Next song you will be listening to? turned off the tv by leessang i just checked hahahah

21. Current KPOP Group addiction? BTOB!!! 

22. Current KPOP Song addiction? WOW by btob!

23. Female KPOP Idol bias? yuri, suzy, jessica, jiyeon, sulli <33

24. Male KPOP Idol bias? UGH its just too much; myungsoo, sehun&luhan, chanyeol, baekhyunnie, peniel, minhyuk, minho, all BIGBANG and MBLAQ members, yonghwa, kang gary, taecyeon, wooyoung, jo kwon, kwang hee look how I fangirl a lot 

26. Hottest Male Idol? Taecyeon <3

27. Hottest Female Idol? hyunA!

28. Cutest Male Idol? LUHAAAAAN && MINHYUKKK 

29. Prettiest Female Idol? jiyeonn

30. Cutest maknae? mir!!!!!! omg i kenot 

31. MBC, KBS or SBS? SBS ;)

32. Are you active on AllKPop? nope

33. Favorte Couple on WGM? teuk-sora, adam couple, && woojung <33

34. Which Fandoms are you apart of? hmm sone, VIP, A+

35. Which KPOP Group forum are you most active on? -

36. What is your favorite Korean Drama? 101 architecture!

37. What is your favorite Korean Variety show? RUNNING MAN OMG family outing, hello baby, strong heart!

"..If it's a broken heart, then face it.."

So I listened blue (not that blue, but the other blue you perv) songs while the rain lasted hahaha I love raaaiiinn :) and I found out these lyrics that fit me and my situation so I'd like to blog them..

"Calm down

Deep breaths

And get yourself dressed instead

Of running around

And pulling on your threads

And breaking yourself up

If it's a broken part, replace it

If it's a broken arm, then brace it

If it's a broken heart, then face it

And hold your own

Know your name

And go your own way

Hold your own

Know your name

And go your own way

And everything will be fine." from Details In The Fabric by Jason Mraz

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"If you're standing with your suitcase
But you can't step on the train
Everything's the way that you left it
I still haven't slept yet

And if you're covering your face now
But you just can't hide the pain
Still setting two plates on the counter but eating without you

If the truth is you're a liar
Then just say that you're okay
I'm sleeping on your side of the bed
Goin' out of my head now

And if you're out there trying to move on
But something pulls you back again
I'm sitting here trying to persuade you like you're in the same room

And I wish you could give me the cold shoulder
And I wish you could still give me a hard time
And I wish I could still wish it was over
But even if wishing is a waste of time
Even if I never cross your mind." from If You Ever Come Back by The Script

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With your eyes closed, 

Watching a strange show

Play out in your head,

But you were smiling somehow

And your day froze,

And everyone in it

Sat still as a rose,

But we were moving somehow.

Back to where we started,

Losing who we were,

Maybe we should only

Tip a bottle back to keep us filled up.

Back to where we started,

Losing who we were,

Everybody knows that,

You’d break your neck to keep your chin up." from Chin Up by Copeland

15/01/13

It was a tough day in the end of September.
The day I've given up myself being a dreamer.
The day I've decided to be a quitter.
The day I've decided to be a victim than a soldier.
The day I was sadder than ever.
But also the day I met my lover.

HAHAHA keren gak sih? Gak tau kenapa lagi ujan ujan kepikiran bikin itu.
I miss him a lot, to be honest. I've been trying to reckless, been acting like I don't give a fuck, but I'm not a good liar. I can't lie. My head keeps telling me that he's the one. And I still love him.

So here I go.

It literally was a tough month -- September. I was hated, left alone, lost, didn't have anyone to talk. I hated school like, a lot. I was thinking of moving to another country would be great. I used to hate this world, including my 10-year-best-friend and our promises that she couldn't keep.. And also hated her disloyalty to me. On that month, I kicked out from saman-dance-whatever-it-is. They talked behind me, they said I was two-faced, bestfriendeater (oh I remembered nevershoutnever's song hahah nvm), and also shits I don't want to hear. But I still believe it caused by a mean girl that I know ;).. I cried my self to sleep every night, I kept questioning myself, "why is God so cruel to me?".. Tragic, isn't it?

God has another plan.
1. The saman dance team didn't make it to Turkmenistan which is sad for them and happy for me because they treated me like shit :D sorry :( told ya I can't lie!
2. I got closer to him & the boys. Better for me to have boy friends than backstabber  girl friends..
3. I got a long time to think and finally decided I'm better off being myself than being an attention seeker whore, or being a person who goes to school to seek for popularity :)
4. I got close to God like srsly I can't even believe myself
5. I changed my perspective :D

He's my best friend I talk with, I make jokes with.. He made me laugh when I didn't even want to smile. He made my day amazing when it was supposed to be the worst day. HE WAS THERE when I didn't have anyone to trust, or even to talk. He made me comfort. He made me forget about my pain that I felt. But on that time, I didn't know I like him. I didn't realize. I forgot how exactly it was, but I started to like him.. Deeper, and deeper. He made me fell in love every time we meet.

Well, I can say that he made the first move. He asked my phone number, he told me that he missed me, he said he loves my favorite song, he picked me as his group member. But what I've been scared of, happened. He's gone, nowhere. We're rarely talk now, if yes it must be my day. He gave me something to remember tho -- something to remember, forever & ever.

He's a boy, but he acted like a man. He has responsibility to anything and he worked his best to get a good score. He's just... Different. I swear he's the man I've dreamed of..

:)

24

Selamat malam. Atau... Selamat pagi. Hehehe. Jam 1:36AM, masih bangun. Hari ini spesial sih. Kayaknya. :p

Selamat ulang tahun ikan :)
Cie 14. Tua banget.
Semoga makin poopy dan makin freak.
Makin gila juga.
Semoga...
Bisa sayang balik ya? Hehehe.
Gak deng.
Semoga makin pinter.
Makin sayang sama mama papa.
Makin niat belajarnya.
Makin gak kemana mana. Stay.
Makin seru.
Makin segalanya.
Tapi gak makin sombong.
Huf.
& my secret wishes.
I'll keep it to myself.
Sekali lagi,
Selamat ulang tahun,
& selamat tidur.
Aku sayang kamu.
:-)

20122012

Changes.
Dulu, gue biasa aja sama kata kata itu. Malah, gue bingung sama orang orang di tumblr jaman dulu yang ngomongin tentang people change atau things yang gue gak bisa mengerti. Dulu gue berfikir, "people change? Gimana caranya? Mungkin mereka grown up. Gimana caranya berubah? Jadi power rangers?" Well, that's silly. I was 10 back then. Tapi sekarang, I actually feel it. Gimana sakitnya ngeliat orang yang kita sayang berubah gitu aja. Gimana sakitnya ngeliat mereka transformed into people they said they'll never be. Sakit. Dan kita berdiri disini, gak bisa ngelakuin apapun, karena itulah yang terjadi.

Kadang, gue berfikir kenapa orang harus berubah. Kenapa situasi harus berubah. Dari dulu, gue gak pernah suka perubahan. Whether it's good or not, gue harus coba beradaptasi, dan itu yang gue gak suka. Dulu, gue selalu beranggapan semuanya bakal sama. Kayak dulu pas SD, gue fikir situasi SMP bakal sama persis kayak di SD. Enak. Gak ada masalah. Orang orangnya gak nyebelin nyebelin banget. Kenyataannya? Bah. Dulu pas di SD, orang ternyebelin tuh orang yang caper. Dan kita juga keselnya sama orang yang beda beda. Misalnya, si A tuh caper, terus orang orang jadi kesel. Nah, si B tuh bacot, yang lain juga jadi kesel. Kalo si C bossy, jadi orang orang pada gak suka. Lah, di SMP? Udah caper, bacot, bossy, heartless, bangsat banget lah pokoknya. Jadinya beradaptasinya susah lagi, karena ekspektasinya tinggi terus dijatohin gitu aja. Yah, salah juga sih gue beranggapan "semuanya bakal sama".

Di SD dulu, dalam 2 tahun gak banyak yang berubah. Guru itu itu aja, temen itu itu aja (malah gue gak nyadar mereka tambah dewasa, dulu mukanya sama aja, bocah), situasi juga gitu gitu aja. Di SMP? Dalam satu tahun banyak banget kehilangan orang. Entah mereka pindah, menjauh, atau disappear gitu aja. Banyak juga yang terjadi dalam satu tahun itu. Tangisan, dendam, drama, bahkan rebutan orang. Aneh. Emang. Tapi, dari situ gue nyadar.. Gue juga berubah. Gue juga nyadar, yang ngerubah gue itu rasa sakit. Gue dulu bener bener sering nangis, tiap malem. Gue jadi capek nangis mulu, akhirnya gue berubah. Entah gue berubah jadi apa, tapi gue ngerasain itu. Mungkin, perubahan gue menyakitkan untuk orang lain. Begitu juga gue, ngelihat sahabat gue berubah drastis. Sakit.

Udah ah, segitu aja. Dan tentang sahabat gue yang berubah? Yah, I'm getting used to it. :p