sedih habis nonton film..............

judulnya always

pokoknya tentang cewek buta, terus ketemu sama cowok ex-boxer yang masa lalunya kelam. sedih filmnya, tapi super duper bagus! i cried a river.

P.S: no, i'm not perverted. but you'll be very satisfied with Ji Sub's abs :p

first march

today is my birthday, thats what they said
i don't feel like today is my birthday
i don't feel like people give a fuck about it
i don't feel like i am special
i am still lonely
like the way i've always been

"An eagle flies alone."

I am currently obsessed with eagles, whose fly alone without flocking and chatting like the other birds. The other birds are like going anywhere together and destroying people's hard work like people's plants or something while the eagles fly alone, keeping their eye on their prey. 
Well, that's.. Me? 

"Don't quack like a duck, soar like an eagle."
"Eagles don't flock, you have to find them one at a time."
"If you want to fuck with the eagles, you have to learn how to fly."
"Those who hope in the Lord, shall renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles."

18/2

I'm upset of everyone. I'm upset of myself. I keep thinking why God keeps me breathing when I know I have nothing to do with my life. It's pointless. I keep thinking why am I here, why am I doing this and why am I feeling that depression which I don't deserve — I'm still a little girl, but I'm already surrounded by complicated things which I can't even explain by myself. I'm sick and tired of seeing everyone else happily enjoy being theirselves and being with their best friends, having fun with all their similarities, they're reckless about love and worryless about everything. I'm tired of hearing bullshit everyone say, every single day of my life. Why can't I be someone else? Why can't I stay happily in heaven without feeling the sour and pain in your world, God? I know there must be some reasons, but I need to know those reasons.

so instead of sending flowers, we the roses.

Hi! happyyy weekend whoop whoop finally! jadi ceritanya gue udah passed a very busy week yayyy kata ibu, gue kaya business woman HAHAH true dat. gue ngerasa gapunya badan ini capexxx sekali!! hfff... don't you guys know i like kanye west... no? okay

imma post his lines, from Roses, lagunya dia, which I've listened for a long time tapi baru nyadar liriknya. funny yet sad and powerful, NO that's not funny but my sense of humor found it. typical gue bgt. kay so

I know it's past visiting hours
But can I please give her these flowers
The doctor dont wanna take procedures
He claim my heart can't take the anastesia
It'll send her body into a seizure
The little thing by the hospital bed, it'll stop beeping,
Hey chick, im at a lost for words
What do you say at this time?
Remember when I was nine?
Tell her everything gone be fine?
But i'd be lying, the family crying
They want her to live, and she trying
I'm argueing like what kind of doctor can we fly in
You know the best medicine go to people thats paid,
If Magic Johnson got a cure for A.I.D.S.
And all the broke muthafuckers past away
You tellin me if my grandma was in the N.B.A.
Right now she'd be ok?
But since she was just a secretary
Working for the church
For thirty five years
Things sposed to stop right hereMy grandfather tryin to pull it together, he's strong,
Thats where I get my confidence from
I asked the nurse "did you do the research?"
She ask me, "can you sign some t-shirts?"
Bitch is you smokin reefer?
You dont see that we hurt
But still...

...I smile
When roses come to see me
And I can't wait for a sunny day
(Im seeing it through your eyes)
Can't wait for the clouds to break

They outside of the emergency room, room
You can feel my heart beat, beat, beat
If she gone pull through
We gone find out soon
But right now she sleep, sleep, sleep
My mama say, they say she could pass away any day
Hey chick what these doctors know anyway
Let me see the X-rays
I ain't no expert, I'm just hurt
Cousin Kim took off for work
Plus my Aunt Shirley, Aunt Beverly, Aunt Claire and Aunt Jean
So many Aunties, we could have an Auntie team
Feel like Amerie "Its this one thing"
When they said that she made it
You see the eyes gleam
I think we at an all time high
To get there we run, we fly, we drive
Cause with my family we know where home is
So instead of sending flowers
We the roses

so i searched over the edge about the meaning of this song and i found this

"his grandmother is in the hospital and she's not doing good.

he starts to reminisce about better times [Remember when I was nine?]

he's frustrated because of the doctors' lack of help and insists that if they were rich or famous, his grandmother would be better taken care of [If Magic Johnson got a cure for AIDS. And all the broke mu'fuckers passed away You tellin' me if my grandma's in the NBA Right now she'd be ok?] & [I asked the nurse "Did you do the research?" She asked me "Can you sign some t-shirts?" Bitch, is you smokin' reefer? You don't see that we hurt?]

the "roses" referred to in the song don't mean flowers. "roses" are the family members that come to see his grandmother [I smile when roses come to see me]

things are still looking bad but he's trying to be positive around 'chick', his grandmother [My momma say they say she could pass away any day Hey chick, what these doctors know anyway?]

the whole family is there cheering 'chick' on to pull through [Cousin Kim took off work. Plus my aunt Shirley, aunt Beverly, aunt Clay, and aunt Jean So many aunties we could have an auntie team]

'chick's' gonna be ok and everyone's happy [When they said that she made it you see they eyes gleam I think we at an all-time high]

again, instead of flowers, they send "roses" aka family [So instead of sendin' flowers, We the roses]"

 

<33

lelah

aku berjalan tetapi tetap memandang kebelakang, menyesali apa yang telah kuperbuat.
tak mengerti apa yang pernah kumiliki.
begitu saja kulepas.
aku memang begitu.
pengecut.
lari dari masalah.
sejujurnya, aku hanya lelah.

7/2/13

The more they come, the more they go
it's not a lie, I know you told me so
but it all works out

Days go by when we're apart
but everything that always seems so hard
well, it all works out

One day, I'll see you walking and
One day, we'll get to talking and
I'll say, ever since I set eyes on you...
you know it's true

I put your locket in my heart
keeping you close no matter where you are
cause it all works out

Images in black and white
playing back this moment in my mind
cause you always shine

One day, I'll see you walking and
One day, we'll get to talking and
I'll say, ever since I set eyes on you...
you know it's true

Is it alright, is it alright...
if I tell you how I feel?
If it's alright, if it's alright...
I just wanted you to know
how I do adore you so

One day, I'll see you walking and
One day, we'll get to talking and
I'll say, ever since I set eyes on you...
you know it's true

You Know It's True by Jules Larson; newest addiction :)