Pardon this post's title because I ran out of ideas :p. So hi guys. I'm a high schooler now. I've been wearing white and grey for almost a month and I can say I. Am. Exhausted. Yes. So many things going on I don't have a room to take a breath. I have so much like a lot to write but I don't have that time! (Or maybe I'm just layzay...... No.)

My first month went well I can say. The first week, I didn't feel click with my classmates which some of them know each other before. Also, they laugh a lot at the smallest thing. OKAY that sentence might seem like I'm the desperate miserable young girl LOL NO believe me I'm cheerful and fun to be with ;) *wink* *wink* *wink* but you know.. I always need silence time. But those feelings disappeared as the time goes. I think. And I hope so.

What makes Fatiha so busy? There are a lot of tasks that teachers give us. A LOT. Everyday, every. Single. Frickin. DAY. And all the teachers just like, "nah, the curriculum requires us to do that!" Well OK. The curriculum is actually intended to make us more active, but majority of students can only feel the pressure.. Including me. I keep telling to myself that this is just the beginning and I have to prepare for more.

Besides school thingy, there aren't a lot of things going on. But yeah there are some big changes and big impacts to me.

1. I'm still trying to pray everyday and keep my-inner-layzay disappear. I'm learning how to love myself and thank Him for the bless that He gave me, for everything He taught me. I'm not a masjid girl nor a hijabi, my religion is not perfect yet but I'm fixing it. I hope I can be a good muslimah, amen :)
2. My mom is diagnosed with sudden deafness. Her right ear has stopped hearing since a week ago. You can google it, it's a rare sickness I think. The causes can be blood circulating problem (like my mom), trauma, infectious diseases, etc. I pray to God eeeeeeveryday to keep the sickness away from her, to keep her save and to make her smile and cheerful like she used to. 
3. I want to be more active in school. I cannot help I want to join every classes and every hangouts :p.
4. My house has finally turned into..... 'My Home' :) OMG guys let me tell you, after all the changes we've done (like; we transformed Azzam's bedroom into a library, transformed 'living room' into the actual living room. Nah, you know what I mean). Makes me want to stay at home all day!

That's all for now. I've got LOOOTS of homework waiting and shouting "do me!" and the other one "do me first!"
Hi, homeworks. You guys are the only ones I don't want to do.. 

Manja

Minggu ini aku berlagak layaknya anak kecil yang senang mencari perhatian, atau nenek-nenek kesepian dan haus kasih sayang. Sedikit-sedikit mengeluh, gampang menyerah, bilangnya lelah walaupun sebenarnya hanya malas. Seketika rindu semua orang. Orang-orang yang sebenarnya kubenci sampai ke ubun-ubun, ingin rasanya ku lemparkan mereka ke inti bumi dan melihat mereka hangus dalam hitungan detik. Namun, aku tetap menginginkan mereka kembali. Aku tetap ingin bertemu mereka dan melihat senyum yang menyebalkan itu.

Aku juga berlagak seperti itu ke orangtuaku. Aku ingin selalu dekat mereka, seakan-akan aku tak dapat kasih sayang selama 15 tahun. Berharap ada waktu untuk kuluangkan seharian hanya untuk meneguk bubble tea favoritku sambil memeluk mereka erat-erat. 

Mungkin suasana baru di sekolah baru membuatku seperti ini. 

Ah. 

:(

Ingin kuterbangkan kupu kupu kertas ke angkasa

Setiap waktu engkau tersenyum
Sudut matamu memancarkan rasa
Keresahan yang terbenam
Kerinduan yang tertahan
Duka dalam yang tersembunyi
Jauh di lubuk hati
Kata katamu riuh mengalir bagai gerimis 

Seperti angin tak pernah diam
Selalu beranjak setiap saat
Menebarkan jala asmara
Menaburkan aroma luka
Benih kebencian kau tanam
Bakar ladang gersang
Entah sampai kapan berhenti menipu diri 

Kupu kupu kertas
Yang terbang kian kemari
Aneka rupa dan warna
Dibias lampu temaram

Membasuh debu yang lekat dalam jiwa
Mencuci bersih dari segala kekotoran
Aku menunggu hujan turunlah
Aku mengharapkan badai datanglah
Gemuruhnya akan
Melumatkan semua kupu kupu kertas

Day 197 of 2013

She likes you, that's insane.
She imagines riding a horse,
with you as her prince.
Forgetting everything that makes sense.

She misses you, that hurts.
All she wants to do is burst,
into tears.
Wishing the sadness she cannot bear,
to disappear.

She loves you, that's the hardest part.
When she gives you all her heart.
When she's OK watching herself tearing apart.
Her love is more than that.

Quote of the Day

“The woman who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd.

The woman who walks alone is likely to find herself in places no one has even been before”

 – Albert Einstein

Amor Mio, 오 내 사랑 다시 내게 돌아와.

I don’t know whether the morning is coming
or the darkness is falling.
After you left me,
It seems like everything has stopped
I don’t know where I should look
or where I should go
After you left me,
It seems like everything changed

Amor mio, oh my love
Look back at me just this once
At me, who is withering away more every day
Amor mio, oh my love
Remember me just this once
Me, who is breaking down more every day

Like that single red flower
that has forgotten when to bloom and wither
I have lost my season,
I don’t even have a fragrance

I heard your voice
in my dream last night
During those days without fear,
in which I trusted myself

Take me from the darkness to the light
Rain on me, who is drying up
Raise me up with your touch
Wake up my soul, which is withering
Please say my name once again
Call my name

Amor mio
Oh my love, come back to me.

15/06

Saturday night thoughts.. I'm missing you all of a sudden.
I just knew you went to Turkey.
I want to say a lot of things to you, like take care and stuff.
I want to hug you, on the day of your departure.
I want you to know, you have someone who will always pray for you.
I want you to know, you have someone who loves you unconditionally.

"Falling in love wasn't my plan.."
I quoted that from Michael Jackson's song.
Your favorite?
Falling in love wasn't my plan,
But you made it so much easier,
h.r.